Hold on.

I let you down. you're in another school and I can't see how we're gonna go on without us speaking. My parents don't like you and think you're using me, they're convinced that I CAN change who I am so I can make them proud, they expect me to change myself physically and mentally, they say you're dragging me further and further out, they say I'm troublesome and my opinions are 100% bullshit. I hate it. They can't accept me for who I am. Yeah sure people might look at us weird but I can't change myself, you don't respect my comfort. Nobody wants to be the parent of the weird transboy. Because he's a disgrace. Because he's wrong and confused. Because he's stupid enough to be used. Because he doesn't know anything. Because other people won't accept him and it'll bring a bad name on the parents. You were lucky you were born 'normal'. Do you have ANY IDEA how it feels to be born like this? You say it's not the way I was born, it's what I make myself to become. Sure I made myself up like this since I was a kid right? You think it's so easy to come out to your parents as not being normal, IM TALKING TO YOU MOM, you think it's so easy to not meet your parents' expectations!? No such thing as best friend, only best friend is your mother, BULLSHIT just because you don't have friends that stick on to you doesn't mean everyone else doesn't I've seen best friends for what, 40 over years, and look, the only reason YOU don't have them is because YOU pushed them away. Because 'people in relationships are too troublesome'. Because friends only make use of you. Well I AM a friend aren't I? I don't think I make use of people.

GOD what I'd give to talk to you. What's holding me back is that I don't want you to be sent away to your aunt in Australia. Is this supposed to be a wake up call, or is this an obstacle along the way? And it SUCKS that singapore's such a small country damn it it's possible to run into people ANYWHERE. Oh god I miss you.