I'm in bus 197 now, a bus that I seldom take for one main reason, it doesn't stop near my house, which means I have to walk the long narrow path all the way in. But I need the walk, I need that long quiet walk by myself today. I need the peace and silence, just because my thoughts are loud enough to drown my mind in fuzzy noise. ... Screw that, I'm dropping at Victoria and walking the whole way home, and I'm ignoring the people who try to contact me in any way for now, except Sabby of course, but she's not gonna text me anytime soon since she's at reunion dinner, so I'm alone for now. So alone.

I'm by a canal, there's a signboard that says 'deep water' beside it, the water's so dark, glistening, it's like a black mirror, beautiful in it's own dimension. I must admit, the temptation to jump, to feel the waves roll around me, surrounding me, it's there. The urge is calling, but I know better than to respond to the call of this raven. Perhaps one day I might be part of them, engulfed in the black feathers of the flock.

I'm walking down a narrow path, barely lit by the orange glow from the streetlights overhead. Cars pass me but no one bothers to look. I'm not surprised; I'm in black, merely a moving shadow between the inked veins of trees lining the road. The light turns green, and I cross the road. It's like a constant reminder of this place I'm in, it's like a stop-motion movie, I don't know why, it just is. I'm starting to wonder if I can just spend the night out alone, sitting by myself on the roadside, it's not such a bad idea. By 1am my phone battery would have died, and I could assume i'd been forgotten by the world. But I know sabby will be looking for me, she might assume that I'd fallen asleep though. But I need her now, because I know she'll bring me back to life, bring this lost, lonely young boy back home.

Someone decorated the plants at the entrance of this condominium with christmas lights. I'm just a quiet lone soul wondering about the luxuries of life, like a peddler in the snow staring longingly into a warmly lit home with a family round the table. I'm walking past empty buildings, so dark and seemingly forgotten, yet from afar I see the welcoming glow of fuzzy lights from faraway houses, so inviting. I'm walking on a stone bridge, and once again, the temptation to lean over the rail is playing games with my curiosity. I accidentally crush a wandering snail and guilt washes over me. It's so easy to take life for granted when you're constantly being surrounded by things that are constantly getting newer, more up to date, there's no end to it. It's the simple things that remind us how fragile life can be. With just one step, an effortless action, one life is lost just like that. Nobody knows if the snail is a goner, no one is sure if the snail is still suffering in silence, if its screams are just too loud to be heard by every passing being. As with any other person, I just walk away as though nothing has happened, ignorant of the cold blooded murder I've committed. We've all become such uncaring creatures.

It's been a long time since I've been out this late, with a little luck I'll reach home by midnight. Safe and sound. I pray that this is just one of those nights, nothing more. A dose of medicine should be enough to knock me unconscious later on.

Three things made my day today: something sabby said, my two upsized meals for the price of one regular at popeye's, and coming home to dr dre beats earphones. Not the original, but the official copy.