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posted : Saturday, 26 November 2011
title : Just Tonight, I Am Through
 Was it something I said, or something I never did, or was I always in the way? Its been almost a day since we last talked, its now 3.17am in Singapore, and I've heard nothing from you. Please tell me you're okay. Give me a sign, anything? Maybe I'm overthinking, but its easy to jump to conclusions when you haven't heard from the one you care most about for over 22 hours. God give me strength to stay awake the next two hours. you just texted me. I'm a flurry of emotions now. i'm so damn happy that you texted me, its like these little twines of light running through me, cos i know you're okay and i know i've crossed your mind. i'm disappointed that you won't be able to come online tonight, cos it means waiting another whole day to talk to you, and i guess its been well established on my blog how long one day takes to pass, and its like my whole day waiting equals nothing for today, but i swear i'll wait for you, for another chance. I'm a little worried about your low prepaid too, i mean, today you could text me to say you're not going online la, but what about the next 4 days? what if you can't make it online and no money left in your phone to let me know.. I guess i'd just be 10 times as crazy till the next time i get to talk to you then. I wonder how long it takes for smses to get delivered between here and Prague.. i mean, i dunno not much significance but i'm just wondering. no actually i'm just too tired to think haha. hopefully i'll get to sleep later and maybe i'll sleep till monday morning...fat chance. I'm wishing, just wishing that you might reply my text, but well, one, your prepaid balance is low and two, you're all getting results soon (i'm hoping for the best!) so i'm not gonna get my hopes too high on that, but well, no harm in wishing right? yeah right. I realise over the Thanksgiving weekend i've never really gotten around to writing down what I'm thankful for in my life, so I'm gonna list 20 of them down today, because Thanksgiving really isn't the only time you should realise there are things in life to be thankful about. 1. I'm thankful for God, Who gives my life purpose and direction, and something to keep my faith up, something to believe in, something to save me when life gets rough. 2. I'm thankful for my Mom, who, even though can be a real bitch at times, has good intentions out of it, has spent a good amount of her life dedicated to me, and who I know will be there for me at most times. 3. I'm thankful for my Dad, whom I see less frequently but who plays an important role in my life anyway, for being there for the family and tries his best to make us happy. 4. I'm thankful for Sabrina, my extremely amazing girlfriend, for always being there for me even when i don't wanna let her in, for seeing the worth in me even when i can't, for believing in me, trusting me and loving me enough to go on this wild ride by my side, and most of all, for just being the Sabby i know and love, because that's all i ever wanted. You make my life complete. Don't ever change, you're beautiful. 5. I'm thankful for each and every cat that I've ever been friends with, Brownie, Winterground, Apple, Mango, Raspberry, Belle, Bella, Hazdaz, Flair, Papaya, Blackberry, Bread, Black, Purrfect, Trifur, Lucky, Lucky's Sister that I never named, Papaya's Mom, Skeleton, the skinny black and white cat that my mom says looks like a Fatimah, and any other cats that have come and gone in my life. You guys let me see the grace in nature, and are there for me at times when no one else could tell how i was feeling. 6. I'm thankful to Dana and Ain, my two closest cousins, my confidantes and my fellow assholes, people I can treat like shit but will always laugh it off cause we're just like that. You're my fellow Directionists in life, simply because we're different and are breaking off the beaten path. We'll make it in this world one day, against all odds, I swear. 7. I'm thankful to all my other relatives, for opening my mind up that not all family are trustworthy, and that backstabbing is worst when its with people closest to you. You allowed me to see the other side of things, even withing my parents themselves, to doubt the faces people give you, but heck it and do your best in life anyway. At the same time, I see the strength in some of you, those not so well off but having the greatest endurance I've seen yet, and you're my inspiration. 8. I'm thankful to my platoon, all twelve of us, Claud Gek myself Rara Ling CKM JX Teo Val Lingyi Gun and Pris, i can't even say 'platoonmates' for this one, because that refers to us as individuals, and I say I wanna thank you guys as one platoon, because we're not lions, we're a pride. You've seen me at my worst and at my best, and have been through laughter and tears with me more than anyone else. We've been through hell and back and have grown so much together through all the sweat and blood, all the years of pain and joy we've been through. I wouldn't trade you guys for the world. 9. I'm thankful to the Structured Studies Clan, Hanzhen, Mae, Eileen, Cheryl, Jingwen, Shi Mei. We've been there for each other so much the past year, its that feeling when you know we're weak but we work hard together anyways, its the determination we build and the struggles we face to be continuous failures, but we grew so much from it as well. 10. I'm thankful for my friends, for making my life hella interesting even if its through bitching or rumours or whatnot, its this shit that create the little hills on a journey. And those who have stuck by my side all along, you guys are family, you've been there for me when I'm down, and are probably the reason I'm back up again, and for that i'm forever thankful. 11. I'm thankful for my teachers, although you guys pissed me off way more than you should have, i believe the intention was for the greater good, and most of you did more than what teachers should, so i'm really thankful for that effort. After all, knowledge is power. 12. I'm thankful for music, Avenged Sevenfold, Breaking Benjamin, Superchick, Hedley, Mayday Parade and Rascal Flatts especially, at times, you put my deepest emotions into songs, into words i can understand, and it makes me feel that i'm not alone, that others understand what i'm going through, that everything will be okay. You're my strength and my friend, and you saved my life. 13. I'm thankful to my depression, mild eating disorder, and anxiety, because you changed me into the person i am today, you've made me realise that what i say everyday may have major impacts on the people around me, and you made me see that people are not always what they seem, that everyone had their story. You were my greatest downfall, but I learnt that there's always another way to see things in a place without light. You taught me that imperfection itself, is perfection. Beauty in the breakdown. 14. I'm thankful to my ADHD and reckless nature, yeap you do get me into shitloads of trouble at times, but that's the point in life isn't it? You only live life once, so there's no second chance to break rules, its living life in the moment. Carpe Diem, seize the day or die regretting the time you lost, my motto in life. 15. I'm thankful for sixbillionsecrets.com, you're like a wake up call for me, you opened my mind to how screwed up society can be, and you let me know I wasn't alone. 16. I'm thankful for the darkness that falls with night, this may sound ridiculous, but that's when i'm most comfortable with myself, its when i'm most open with emotions. You give me security and reassurance and comfort. I love the dark (: 17. I'm thankful for rain, as i've said before, it gives a second chance to the weak, the thirsty, the dying. I love the scent it brings out from the earth as well, and also for the simple joy of playing in the rain. 18. I'm thankful for chocolates, WHAT WOULD LIFE BE WITHOUT CHOCOLATES D: best indulgence EVER. 19. I'm thankful for technology, because especially in times like now, i'd have gone crazy without you. No technology=communication breakdown, and i guess it just makes it easier for people to stay together. 20. I'm thankful for life, for all the opportunities its given me, all the pain and the joy, all the people i've come to know, and for not giving up on me. Yeap, that's it, my list of 20. of course there are more, but i said 20, so 20 it is. writing that actually took a lot off my mind, i feel much calmer now thankfully. wow, that's one and a half hours down, i didn't know i took so long to blog O_O wonder if your results are out yet though, can just imagine you looking so gorgeous as usual, a little jittery a little nervous, i wonder if you're thinking of me at all now, with all that tension. I miss talking to you in person, i miss how your fingers intertwine with mine, i miss staring into your eyes for so long until you get all shy and look away, i miss the feeling of your lips, the sweetness and the tenderness, i miss the warmth when you snuggle up against me, i miss you. and i wonder when we can ever do all that again. i'm waiting for you, no i sound like some perverted creep like that, but yeah well, i'll wait for you anytime, anyday, for as long as you need to return to me. and through til then, i'll always love you. Gold and tops in category, that's no mean feat, you guys deserved every single clap from that standing ovation. An overall champ would be great, but i'm already so proud of them, i'm not much of a arts appreciation person, but it doesn't take one to know they're an amazing choir, like you can tell that when they sing, they put their heart and soul into it, like they really mean it. Sabby, i know how much this choir means to you, i know how much effort you put into it, even though you pon practices sometimes, i know it has a big place in your heart, and just to let you know, i'm so damn proud of you, whether you're up in front conducting your choir, or in it itself singing your hearts out with the other awesome voices, i'm just so proud of you that if i were there watching you cross to the middle of the risers, and the light hits your eyes, i'd just, i don't even know how to say it, its like that overwhelming pride or joy or love, or heck, all three mixed up and i'd call it perfection. God, I love you Sabby, you just made my day at 5.20am, can i now say i'm happily emotionally married to your choir? Overall Champs, and best part? My girl's in it. Second best part? They truly deserved it (: SABRINA WONG I LOVE YOU, noooo too bad judges i'm not sharing her love with you TOO BAD she's mine! :P hahaha, you're probably off to celebrate now so i'm guessing you won't be coming online anytime, but i really really hope you read this. i'm damn proud of you sabby, and i love you so damn much (: Just tonight, I will stay And we'll throw it all away When the light hits your eyes Its telling me i'm right And if I, I am through, and its all because of you Just tonight |
It's best to keep it short and sweet. (:
