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posted : Monday, 21 November 2011
title : Bang Goes Backfire.
 I just feel so freaking uncomfortable with myself today. It's not about being 'wrong' or anything cos seriously I don't give a flying flagellum but it's more of suddenly feeling so unaligned to myself. It's about not being enough. It's about being incomplete on my part. Or feeling incomplete maybe, I'm not sure myself if I am or not. I think it all started when that woman at couple lab started talking about ring sizes, and she was all like oh you sure you wanna get the guy size cos uh maybe cannot fit or whatever shit and staring us like we were some lesbian couple, okay no offense to gays and lesbians cos I support gay rights, but it just made me feel so out of place. I was really caught off guard la, and it was like a straight stab into my chest. And the thing is, I couldn't get offended or pissed at her cos she had a point. And that's what made it hurt more. And on the train, when sabby was talking about her ex crushes and stuff, things just started dawning on me. Like how I could never compare to them, I could never give her what they can in various aspects, I was just so different from all of them and like, not as good. Like, they're guys. They can protect her, they can give security from all angles, parents friends whatever, they have the looks, and they definitely can be a good man if they put in some effort. What they lack, they can change. On the hand, what can I give her? Queer looks, possible discrimination and what, love and joy that anyone could possibly give if they tried hard enough. What I lack, I can't change. Questioning stares and disbelief. Am I really worth it if your social status is at stake? When I awaken from this trance, yes it'll be worth it, and i'll make sure the whole damn world knows this if this isn't the typical, it could only be better. I need to rest, to let things sink in. Pray for a better tomorrow. |
It's best to keep it short and sweet. (:
