Looking back at old songs i used to listen to when i was 4-5 years old, westlife, s club 7, back when people didnt have to wear tvs on their heads to make it big /: and songs were a hell lot more meaningful too. talkin bout s club 7, rachel looked hot back then heh (: ah.. i feel so peaceful listening to their songs now. haha now i feel weird saying that, ah heck. just listened to Have You Ever - S Club 7. damn nice song. makes me think about alot of the stuff happening lately, stupid stuff i make up in my head vs the reality i choose not to believe in.

Have you ever loved and lost somebody
Wished there was chance to say I'm sorry
Can't you see
That's the way I feel about you and me
Have you ever felt your heart was breaking
Looking down the road you should be taking

gah, i still think this shouldn't be happening. im not even that close to her. yeah, we're friends. yeah, she's the one i trusted enough to break down my walls for. yeah, shes the one who hugged me on the balcony that time when i felt terrible. yeah, shes the one i spent countless nights talking to, the one who listened even when she had her own worries on her mind. and i feel so bad now, so bad cos its like i made use of her, so self-centredly asking for her help and making her so upset over me. yeah, sure, i love her as a friend. then why do i feel so much guilt, so much loss when shes gone, and how i long for her to just take the time to ask if im okay even when we're not talking. i dont wanna start the conversation all time. its like im so clingy. its like im wasting your time when you dont even want to talk to me in the first place. but i need you. i told you how i felt before, and you told me "im sorry, i dont reciprocate, but friends though?" dont know why, but still haunts me till now. im not supposed to care, but damn i dont know why i even feel so strongly for you. youre like the best friend that i always wanna be close to. amazing how anything i ever talk about can be linked back to this. guess im still thinking about it after all.